Alright, you probably think I’m being cruel with this one. But just hear me out. We see victims everywhere. On the playground, we see children victimised by bullies. We see cats victimised by the neighbour’s dog, and when we get older, we sadly hear on the news about people who become murder victims.

These are all very sad and unfortunate scenarios. But something one needs to remember is that there are always at least a couple of different ways to look at things.

There is another kind of victim, and I’m sure all of you have come across at least one in your time. This kind of victim chooses to be a victim. In their mind, they have a horrible life with nothing to look forward to. Everyone is against them, and the reason they fail at everything they attempt is because of the sad circumstances in their life.

There are some more specific things to look for in a victim who chooses to be a victim.

1. They are exhausting to be around. Any time you spend with them is draining your energy, and even when you change the subject to a happier topic, they still find a way to turn it upside down.
2. They have little motivation in life. They spend the majority of their time sleeping and little time working or doing anything constructive. They never try anything new or exciting. They choose to stay stuck in a rut. 
3. They never take responsibility for their actions. Say, for example, they have a disagreement with a loved one, they refuse to see both sides of the argument. In their mind, they are just being ganged up on, as usual.
4. They are constantly having problems with people in their life. They may have had to change phone numbers several times due to people “harassing” them, and there are probably a number of family members they have cut out of their lives due to a disagreement.
5. The unfortunate things that happen to them are always somebody else’s fault. Don’t get me wrong, some things might genuinely not be their fault, but again, it is how you look at things.

The main thing that victims don’t realise is that by being a victim, you are being a passive occupant in life. You are merely a product of the things that happen to you, and the only way you can react is to let them get you down.

The difference between a victim and a victor, is that the victor is an active, living person. They react to the events in their life, take something valuable from them, and move forward.

Of course, this is easier said than done. But there are just a few ways to jump out of the victim cycle and into the victor’s.

1. Be positive. This requires far less energy than it does to be angry or sad. You can do this by remembering there is always someone worse off than you. One fool proof method to this is to count ten things you’re thankful for when you go to bed each night. Maybe even put a photograph of the most important people in your life on your nightstand to remind you why you’re happy to be here.
2. Take charge! Yes, you might have had some truly traumatic and horrible experiences in your time. Taking charge doesn’t mean that you’re forgetting these things. It simply means that you’re taking a life lesson, and drawing a line under the experiences so you can move forward with your life.
3. See both sides of every situation. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. It doesn’t mean you’re being a pushover and letting them have their way, it just means you’re taking their point of view on board.
4. Take responsibility for your own actions! Yes, you may have responded to something as a result of something else, but two wrongs don’t make a right! This doesn’t mean that you’re wrong in standing up for yourself, it simply means that you are acknowledging that maybe you could have handled the situation differently. The best thing you can do if you feel ‘victimised’ by others, if you still cannot come to an understanding, is to walk away. In doing this, you’ve got the closure of knowing things haven’t worked out, and you’re the bigger person by leaving with your dignity intact.

Situations like these most likely require months worth of sessions with a psychiatrist. But just remember, it just depends on how you see things.

A victim is a passive being with no control or say over their life. A victor is a sentient, active person who chooses to do what makes them happy because they know it is the best way to be.

I guess one of the most important things to remember is that life is for the living. Choosing to be happy and appreciative requires far less energy than choosing to be angry and sad at the world. To quote Albus Dumbledore,

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of places. If one remembers to turn on the light.”

Happy thoughts to all during this cold winter.

xoxo Brett