There are at least several versions of ourselves which come into play in our daily lives. We make important decisions with them, and our emotions are generally driven by which self is present at that moment.

This is not to say that we’re all suffering with multiple personalities. But think about it: How often do you hear the expression: “I changed my mind”, or “I had a change of heart”. I’m saying that what some of us lack is the ability to use the right self for the right situation. The right amount of self in any given situation will help with our interaction with others and could even help us succeed in life.

As I started writing this, I realised how similar this probably sounds to Disney Pixar’s Inside Out film. However, as much as I enjoyed this particular film (Disgust was definitely my favourite), I think that as we grow into adults, our selves become more complex, but it is most important during adulthood to get them right. Here are a list of just some of the selves you might be familiar with.

 

The Happy Self: This self is similar to Joy from Inside Out. It is pure, uncorrupted and appreciates the small important things in life like family, friends and having a good time.

The Nervous Self: Like Fear from Inside Out, this self is very anxious and only sees the most frightening in everything. However, there is much more to it than that. This self also has no self-worth or self confidence and doesn’t see themselves as worthy or capable of achieving anything in life. Some people are lucky enough never to have this Self, while for others, it is a constant battle.

The Over-Confident Self: This self is pompous, arrogant, rude and is disliked by others when engaged in any serious matter. The most acceptable use of this self is when playing sport and trying to intimidate the opposition. However, the use of this self should be kept to a minimum.

The Angry, Jealous Self: This self sees fault in everything. Jealousy ties in closely with this self because the anger tends to come from jealousy. This self will constantly be asking: Why do they earn so much more than me? Why does she have so many more friends than me?

This self also tends to come as a by-product of trauma and bad experiences.

The Sad, Depressed Self: This self sees the world as a black hole of despair, like Sadness from Inside Out. Unfortunately, this self is the one least seen in adults. Children will cry and express their sadness, however as we grow into adults, this self tends to be suppressed, and comes out in other ways, like the Angry, Jealous Self.

The Selfless Self: This self is not present in everyone, but tends to be more prominent in people who do a lot of charity work. It is kind to others and will work expecting no form of payment. However, this self, like the Happy Self, is also vulnerable to being taken advantage of by others.

The Selfish Self: This self takes advantage of the Selfless Selves of others. It is during this self where the selfless side of others take their worst hit, and also why many stop letting their Selfless Self take over.

The Logical Self: This self is less emotionally driven, and makes judgments and decisions based on common sense and fairness. This self, in the case of people who are very dependent on others comes into play when they are left to organise something on their own, for example, an overseas trip, a business meeting, or even a birthday party.

The Wary Self: This self is street smart, and looks out for hidden agendas in things. The old “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is”, self. This self will question everything, and trust no one.

 

As you probably might have guessed, there is a time and a place where each of the different selves are appropriate in everyday life. While the Happy Self is the most well liked and desirable, it would obviously not be appropriate to bring this self along to a funeral, because everyone would either think you were a nutcase, or that your behaviour was disrespectful.

If you were to attend a job interview, the Angry or Selfish Selves would be inappropriate, while a mix of the Happy and Logical Selves would show an appealing personality, who can also bring valuable skills into the work place.

In the case of the Wary Self, this comes in most handy is during vulnerable situations. The sad reality is, the world isn’t a bed of roses like the Happy Self would like to believe. There are some truly shady characters out there. In the 1970’s, serial killer Ted Bundy would lure unsuspecting young women to their death by wearing a fake plaster cast and asking for assistance to his car. When the young women knelt down to put his belongings into the car, he would strike them on the head with a tyre iron. Bundy would prey on young women whose selfless selves would take over, rather than their wary self. However, we do see examples where people have become too wary, like Mad-Eye Moody from Harry Potter, who thought a wizard was trying to kill him when he offered him a handshake.

 

Which selves do you use the most? It’s something to have a think about anyway!

All the best during this cold autumn!

 

xoxo Brett