We all like to think we have fairly active social lives. However, at the risk of sounding like an old man, I feel that social media has killed our ability to approach people, speak to them, engage them in conversation and make them feel comfortable. Think about it. We meet people on platforms like Facebook and Twitter, then potential lovers on Tinder, Plenty Of Fish and RSVP, and those awkward first moments are null and void thanks to that internet connection and phone in our hands.

These days, once something is Facebook official, that is it. You’re Facebook friends, so you’re friends. Even if you haven’t spoken for years, and don’t even like each other. This is in stark contrast to real friends who see each other on a regular basis, catch up for coffee dates, and share their intimate secrets.

But let’s think about this. A lot of us are in the same boat. We finished school, kept one or two life long pals, we might socialise with someone from work on the odd occasion, but apart from that, we run in the same circles. Everyone else in our life (apart from our close family) we keep in touch with on social media when we wish them a happy birthday and “like” the photos they upload. Apart from this, there is little need to speak to new people.

It is even more daunting when we have to do things like ring up to make appointments, or worse still, attend a job interview. The thing is, the ability to talk to people is a very underappreciated skill. Cliché as this will sound, nobody is smart enough to have everything. By this, I mean that some people I have met have all the confidence in the world when it comes to meeting new people, striking up a conversation, building a rapport with people and making friends. However, get them to write a sentence and they can’t spell basic words. I have also witnessed the opposite, where I have met people with high literacy skills, but couldn’t converse with a stranger to save their lives!

I will admit, when it comes to writing, I feel confident in my ability to prepare. When putting forward my point of view in my own time, I can think clearly and write down exactly what I think and word it in the best possible way. However, I know I struggle to think on my feet when it comes to a live discussion (hence why I fell flat when I joined the debate team in high school!). Some people may be lucky enough to have both of these abilities, yet they might lack the ability to, for example, make good financial decisions. Anyway, you get my point.

Let’s use our imagination. You accept an invitation to dinner with a group of new people your colleague has introduced you to, in the hope of sparking up some friendships. You want to make a good first impression and have them leave thinking: “I like this person. I want to get to know them better”.

1. When you first meet, make an effort. Ensure you greet your new acquaintances with warmth, and you make the effort to learn their names. One method which I always find effective is to repeat it back to them. “Hi, my name is Stephanie.” “Hello, Stephanie. It’s lovely to meet you.”
2. Act interested. The worst thing you can possibly do at a first meeting is sit there mute making no contribution to the conversation, or worse still, play/text on your phone. Generally, the other party will feel no motivation to get to know you if you don’t care enough to hear what they have to say.
3. Go to the meeting with the intent to find out more about everyone. Make a list in your head of five things you want to know from everyone, for example:
   • What their name is
   • How old they are
   • What their favourite hobby is
   • What their occupation is
   • What their favourite television show is
     • In doing this, you’re not only learning, but you’re also showing them that you’re interested in them.
4. Go to the meeting with pre-prepared conversation topics in case of an awkward silence. People always joke about people who talk about the weather, but it is actually a hidden gem. The weather is an amazing ice breaker because it is universal; literally everyone in the world can relate to it. Maybe also try to find out a little about their jobs, interests and hobbies ahead of time.
5. Positivity is contagious. Use that to your advantage! People always want to be around someone who lights up the room and makes them smile. Being down and feeling sorry for yourself is exhausting, not just for you, but everyone you encounter.
6. Look for a common interest. Find something you have in common with the other person/people that you can bond over. For example, films starring Anne Hathaway. When her next film comes out, you could use that as an excuse to invite them to go and see it!
7. At the end of the meeting, always offer a warm hug or handshake, with an expression like, “This was fun. We should do this again some time”. If you’ve used the previous tips, with any luck you will leave with some friend requests on your social media accounts, and some phone numbers.

This all sounds very easy, but some people are probably thinking, “I’ve tried this many times, and left each time without any friend requests or phone numbers”!

Meeting new people in an informal setting, say, a pub dinner presents many pitfalls. Be sure to be conscious of these things.

1. Don’t just talk about yourself. We all love to talk about ourselves, but like chocolate, moderation is the key. If you start to feel like you’ve done nothing but talk, step back. Ask them something about themselves.
2. Watch for subtle social queues. If your company is boring or unappealing to others, chances are they will be too polite to tell you upfront. If you’re telling a story, and your recipient isn’t making eye contact with you, they’re not interested. If you’re suddenly interrupted, and afterwards they don’t say something like, “You were saying…?”, they’re clearly not interested. Do not continue with the story.
3. Try not to stand out in a negative way. Observe the situation and adapt to it. If everyone else is eating finger food and garlic bread, don’t go ordering the big spaghetti plate which will be messy and awkward to eat. If everyone else is having one or two glasses of bubbly, don’t be the one that skulls ten and makes a fool of themselves.
4. Do not discuss politics or religion. These are extremely sensitive topics which can destroy friendships before they even begin. Even if there is a window there and the topic comes up, stay neutral and try to be respectful of what other people say, even if you don’t agree with them.

Meeting new people is something we all need to learn to do, whether it is making new friends, meeting our in-laws or the more daunting meetings like job interviews. Social media has definitely deprived the next generation of some social skills necessary to flourish in life, but with these tips, making new friends and talking to strangers should be a little easier.

Happy socialising,

xoxo Brett