Hey guys! 

Well, it’s official. As of last Saturday Brett Bichard is a married man. 

I was blown away at just how emotional things got last Saturday. There was so much love, joy and tears in one room it was unbelievable.

This is one of the professional shots from the wedding.
Image Credit: Blake Chaney Photography.

I feel that first of all, I need to acknowledge just how lucky I am to have such amazing friends and family.

As you know, 2017 saw love win in Australia, and same sex marriage was legalised. However, leading up to this point and even now, people in same sex relationships are struggling to be accepted and treated like a legitimate couple by their friends and families. 

People don’t realise that while in some cases like mine, I’ve been fortunate to have people who love me and my relationship with Jay as much as if he had been a woman. However, for others it is not as clear cut, and they have to find themselves facing new challenges. 

So many experiences for same sex couples are similar to their heterosexual counterparts, yet some are not, and are often confusing and unpredictable. 

1. Gay people are stereotyped, and as a gay person in a relationship, you’re no exception. You go through your whole life as you. Nobody else. When you come out, your relationship with some people change. Not the most important people in your life who know the real YOU, just the shallow, superficial people. As a gay man, you’re expected to give expert fashion advice and dance around like a princess. As a lesbian, you’re expected to have short hair and wear men’s clothes. In reality, there is no prototype for what a gay person looks or acts like. A lesbian can be feminine, and a gay man can be a masculine football player. Everyone is different, and there is nothing more important than being yourself.
2. Some people refer to your partner as your “friend” or “mate”, because they don’t know what to call them. I have found this most common among the older generations. However, you do need to remember that they grew up in a different time, and even if they do accept your relationship, the names and terms can get confusing for them. 
3. Some people will use any excuse to make reference to your sexuality. For men, this usually consists of sausage jokes when they’re eating, while for women it’s jokes about fingers. 
4. Some people will interrogate you on your sex life. For men in particular, they tend to be grilled on topics like anal sex, and are asked why they would want to engage in something so painful. The reality is that like straight couples, gay couples will discuss their bedroom interests with each other, and will only engage in what they feel comfortable doing. 
5. You find yourself being asked: “So, who is the man in the relationship?” This will sound shocking, but same-sex relationships tend to feature either both men, or both women. I think a better version of this question is: Who is the dominant partner? Of course, in many cases this comes back to the bedroom. With men, you have your “top” partner and your “bottom” partner, but that doesn’t necessarily mean the top is the dominant one; just like how a woman can still be the dominant partner in a hetero relationship. The truth is, we all have our different strengths. One of you might be introverted and shy, but fantastic with book keeping, organising finances and life in general. Meanwhile the other may be extroverted and loud, with no clue how to use a computer but is a handyman with a green thumb. We’ve all got our strengths and weaknesses, and all relationships can relate to this. 
6. When you meet new people together, you have to prepare yourself to introduce your lover as your “friend” or sibling. This sounds really strange, but this is purely because some people still don’t accept same-sex couples, and sometimes it’s necessary to assess whether you’re up for the awkward experience. One experience of mine which stands out is when Jay and I ran into some relatives in a shopping centre. They were talking to some old friends, and introduced us to them, emphasising how exciting it was that we were getting married in 2019. The friends couldn’t wait to change the subject, without so much as a word of congratulations. They tried again, with the same response. It was from this moment I learnt to try to assess people first. 
7. It is nearly impossible to be religious. So many people believe that God opposes homosexuality, yet others believe God loves everyone. For gays, it often tends to be more trouble than it is worth!
8. When you announce your relationship, and then your engagement you have to prepare yourself for an underwhelming reaction. While I was lucky enough to be surrounded by love from every friend and family member, this is not the norm for most members of the LGBTQI community. I think the best advice I can give with this one is that as a couple, it is essential to focus on what feels right for the two of you, not what you feel will please other people.
9. You have to be careful where and when you show affection. I cannot hold hands in public, and even when Jay puts his arm around me, I find it difficult not to feel self-conscious. Thankfully, we’ve never suffered worse than a few filthy stares, but you hear of other people who suffer physical and verbal abuse from total strangers. In extreme cases, you hear of people being victims of drive by shootings. I find this utterly frightening.
10. Having children isn’t so simple. Personally, I have no desire to have kids, so the fact that there are no accidents suits me just fine! However, for those who want to have children this can become quite difficult. Even if they do succeed in bearing a child, they are stuck with the stigma of having an illegitimate child. Logic will tell most of us that as long as your child is loved and cared for, everything else shouldn’t matter. However, for some this still is not good enough.

These are just some things which people in same-sex relationships go through, which their heterosexual counterparts do not. I must reiterate just how lucky I am in my experiences with Jay, in that 99% of my experiences have been positive, and I have the best family and friends I could ever ask for.

While Australians have made big steps in the right direction, the LGBTQI community still face battles like this each and every day, and it is something that each of us should be aware of.

As for me, I just had the most perfect, magical wedding and I have a whole life of joy and love to look forward to with my new husband. Here’s to love! Thank you for reading.

My sincerest love to all,

xoxo Brett