For most of us, the thought of going back to school makes us cringe. The awkward changes in our bodies, the acne, the raging hormones, the classes, teachers, exams…
However, there is one dreaded aspect that almost all of us remember more than anything else: the bullies.
More than ten years after finishing school, many of us are asking the same question: Why are we still battling bullies in our daily lives? In our families, places of work, even our group of friends, they are everywhere.
At school, if a kid was mean to you, you told the teacher on them. Problem solved. In the adult world this isn’t an option.
Bullies come in many different forms, shapes and sizes. Yet it’s funny how in every different cohort at school there are those stereotypical cliques: the jocks, the “cheerleaders”, the nerds, the geeks, the losers, and the nice ones in between.
Sadly, bullies don’t just punch us in the face and call us names. They can be emotionally and mentally abusive to us while pretending to care about us.
But why do they do this?
The idea for children is to avoid their bully at all costs, because they are someone to be feared. I want this to change, because a bully is someone who should be pitied.
Bullies do have one thing in common: they put others down in order to make themselves feel good. While this probably doesn’t fit every bully we can think of, try to dig a little deeper.
Bullies have a few more things in common. They have no self respect, no self esteem and as such will humiliate others to make themselves feel good. When they do something to be proud of, they flaunt it to get attention. They might appear to have many “friends”, but if they were honest, they would admit that they stay friends out of fear, or as a means of protection, not loyalty or genuine friendship.
Bullies often have very respectable jobs, but chances are high that they had to either cheat in some way, sleep with the CEO, or do something deeply disrespectful to themselves. Below is a video I found on adult bullying. While it is a little over the top, I think it shows a fine message of bullying and how many people stay silent about it.
The most important question now is: How do you deal with bullies?
- Do not rise to the bait. The only reason a bully will bait you is to make themselves feel good, and make you look bad. A sly comment nobody else hears will probably make you feel a little better, but remember, you are a better person than they are, because you don’t need to put others down to feel good about yourself. Do not get upset or blow up in anger, because this is what they want.
- Speak logic and truth. It goes a long way! Speaking sense and logic to a bully will knock them off their feet, and leave them unable to fight you. Being calm, apologetic and sympathetic to them will anger them even more because what they want is to upset you. By doing this, you are telling them that it is not going to happen.
This is a quote by sevenly.org which I felt was very relevant.
- Try talking to them about their behaviour. If this is a long time friend, this will shock them even more because it will lay bare the truth. Either they are acting out because of something they think you did to hurt them, or it is just a result of their own low self worth. This will end either in complete denial from them, or a happy revelation.
- If all else fails, ask yourself: Is this someone I want to have in my life? This could be your friend, employer, even just an acquaintance. But in the time you have known them, just think how much energy you have wasted wondering what you can do to improve things with this person, and how you can make them happy. It is disappointing when we have to think this way, but sometimes, for your own sanity, you just need to walk away.
The sad reality is, some people will never be happy. We’ve all got our own stories, but the key is how we choose to deal with the sore points in our lives. Those who refuse to deal with their inner demons are the ones who end up being either a victim, or a bully.
By standing up for yourself and defeating your inner demons, you are not only letting go of inner hatred, sadness and resentment, but your negative emotions aren’t being taken out on those around you.
By doing this, you are taking charge of your life and refusing to let negativity in. By doing this you are acknowledging that you are better than these people, and you’re willing to move past them to bigger and better things.
Many children bully, and in many cases they have bad influences and experiences in their home life which has shaped their behaviour. Adults are different. While they may also have dark shadows following them, they also have the mental capacity to move forward and take charge of their lives. Sadly, many bullies never do.
Bullying is never okay. Bullying is one of the leading causes of suicide in children and adolescents, and better education and prevention is essential. But what about when you see others being bullied? As you probably saw in the YouTube clip, it is important never to stay silent, regardless of whether it is happening to you, or others.
Have you ever bullied someone? Have you ever been bullied? How did you deal with it? Leave your comments below!
I would love nothing more than to end bullying and live in harmony. It is right up there with world peace. It is a tough feat, but if we just take one step at a time, we can make a difference.
All my love,
xoxo Brett
